I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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