I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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