Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Randomize
