I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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