I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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