So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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