I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
