We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
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She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
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Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw