two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.