went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick