I think I am morally bankrupt
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
