Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
