I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just fell off a train. Bad.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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