I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize