You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
This is my gift to your gina
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
