i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
