What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize