a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
