we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
