Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
