it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
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This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
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There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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