I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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