just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
