sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
