WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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