i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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