I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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