I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
