Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
