nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
