It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
