I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Success! We fucked roommates!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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