who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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