Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
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