if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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