D3 body, D1 cock
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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