just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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