i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
