ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
