does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
