i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
