dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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