I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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