you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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