Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
