If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
