I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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