I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
