Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
