Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize