im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize