I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
