i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
