please come you make the beer taste better
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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