do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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