Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
