Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
