I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
