No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
