i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
And my parents said I crawled through the house
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
