I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
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this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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