Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
