Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
