do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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