two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
