I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
