This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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