Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
